I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
