if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
