Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
