Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
