I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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