i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
