I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
