She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
