just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
