At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
