I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
