I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well you can't waste a boner
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A+ Viking dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
