you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
