Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The adults are the big ones right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
