you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize