Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
