Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
