The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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