The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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