Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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