never play flip cup with pint glasses
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
