Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
