My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The beer is more important than you right now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
