I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
