Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
