I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
