It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
