watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
