just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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