I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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