I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
