About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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