yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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