Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
