thus making me awesome and them whores
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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