My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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