Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
