How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
