My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
