he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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