Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
