i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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