Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
