I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
