so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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