Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
