i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
