it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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