he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
