honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
