I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
