I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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