when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
