I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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