Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
