Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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