Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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