So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
