My balls are so social today.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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