it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend