this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I would ride that face into the sunset