Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
time to smoke my breakfast
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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