Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.