Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.