fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.