if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
